Lukewarm

有时候如果单纯的理解为自己并没有那么优秀，吸引人也许能够让自己少一些没必要的急躁，多一些现实。

有时候如果多多尊重别人的理由，不管在自己看来多么不合理，也许会好受点。

从今天开始，把自己从臆想出来的高峰上放下来，重新审视身边的一切，做一个思想与行动的平常人，但永远像巨人看齐。

草率的听了遍蔡健雅新专辑，某个瞬间充满了厌恶，全是失败小女人的自怨自艾，我不要被腐蚀，也不需要那样的疗伤。

几年前，布莱尔来中国访问，上了一个谈话节目，期间一名学生提问:"What was your dream before you became PM of the UK?" 布莱尔说:"A rock star"，接着布莱尔问，"What's your dream?"那个男生说:"To be a better man." 五个单词，刻骨铭心。

Better Man—Robbie Williams

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man

Go easy on my conscience
'Cause it's not my fault
I know I've been taught
To take the blame

Rest assured my angels
Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here
I'm in pain

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man

Once you've found that lover
You're homeward bound
Love is all around
Love is all around

I know some have fallen on stony ground
But Love is all around

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doin' all I can
To be a better man 
 

1 体会到喜欢一个人却真的觉得没办法在一起的感觉，不是相隔天涯，不是出轨，是不愿妥协，以及对自己固执的坚持。但愿这真的是自己这段失败恋爱的终点了。从今天开始，不做以前那个失魂落魄的我，要过一个真正属于，关于自己的生活，加油。

2做力所能及的事情，不能在这么一个没钱没工作的学生时代把自己培养成一个label whore，现在才了解到身边很多人高收入，但依旧一切从检，而自己打肿脸也充不了胖子真是很不应该。再说，我父母，家人，我朋友以及我未来的life partner不会在乎我穿什么。一个人真正的魅力是脱去衣服之后的…信心不是靠label堆积起来的。

3 build up.....i want to have that killer body ,but it takes time and techniques.So,hold yr horses,dude!

4北京，我会努力的

5 I wanna get tannnnnnnnned

I dont know where the hell you got all that guts to ask me to come back to you,but when i saw you sitting across me with that silly but unique smile on your face,i knew i already said yes silently.At that very moment,all my sense and self-esteem were gone. I tried so hard to pick up the remained pieces ,i tried so hard to put on a I-dont-give-a-damn look and said "let's see where things go" in the coolest tone . Memories started to flash back.Suddenly,all those harsh words and brutal things you've said and done to me became so damn clear.How come you showed up without feeling the slightlest guilty at all? Why did i become the one who made moves again?You just havent changed at all,though I've been telling you ,teaching you since the day we met.Or was it just a game of yours? I'm so confused cos all my friends and I havent seen someone stupider than a moron.Or was I the moron from the beginning? I was so into it that i couldnt let go.I spent all my time feeling sorry,regretful and meditating about my mistakes. I cant be your teacher while staying in love with you.I can't teach you how to date,how to say sorry when people commit mistakes,how to have sex,how to talk after thinking.I can't stand your silence while i am angry as hell,yelling at you or even just talking to you .I can't stand your frequent and mindless mistakes cos im so hurt.Im becoming lunatic.I'm losing control.I'm like a slave and every little thing you do is torture,but i just cant get out of the prison.

持续的高温让我每天只想窝在家里，穿个花裤衩躺在床上，闷得时候从房间这头走到那头，或者打开电视从1按到最后屏幕上只剩下雪花点，然后感叹声自己真是很久没有看电视了。原来的XX医院已经换成了YY医院铺天盖地的广告，然后又出了一种叫做Maxmale的壮阳药。看着电视上那两个被称作专家的洋人在那边唧唧歪歪然后一个浑厚的男声同声传译时就真他妈想笑。

最近的电影看来看去都是剧情片，也不再把情节曲折结局爆炸作为自己衡量电影好坏的唯一标准。可那些平平淡淡的故事总让我觉得少点什么，应该是我吧，是我还期待着激情，以及每一次的高潮。

其实我特想出现在照片中一次，比如说Hedi Slimane或者Terry Richardson。虽然我还没，也没打算瘦到那份儿上，也不敢就正面对着相机露出草丛，但看着这些照片总是有一鼓咸湿的冲动。

我曾经跟一人幻想过说哪一天，我要全身涂满I Suck Marc Jacobs，然后惦着老马设计的包，华丽的拍张照。其实到真没多么喜欢这人，他设计的东西啥样子都不知道，但作为Top 50 Successful Gay Man之一，我崇高的表达下敬意了。

最近整天看街拍 这玩意太符合我性格了。我自己也在酝酿下一次改变 年轻在于折腾。